Thoughts From The Man Cave

Thoughts on how and why The Hunger Games and Jennifer Lawrence will take over the world. Plus a challenge to every man who loves Jennifer Lawrence.

The Hunger Games is officially in theaters and Jennifer Lawrence is officially a major movie star.

Despite having a ton of media options at my disposal here in the Man Cave, sometimes I like to sit back and read a good book. Last year I zipped through The Hunger Games trilogy in a week or so and was instantly excited when I found out about the movie release early this year. Finding out that Jennifer Lawrence would be playing the role of Katniss made me even more excited. While most people know Ms. Lawrence for her roles in Winters Bone and X-Men: Origins, I’ve actually been a fan of hers since the short lived Bill Engvall Show on TBS. Now I know you’re asking, “why the hell were you watching The Bill Engvall Show?” and the answer to that is simple. I watched that terrible show just to see Jennifer Lawrence.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’ll watch terrible movies and television shows as long as there is a hot chick to stare at. More than that, I like shows with unknown hotties who I see a lot of potential in. It’s like those fans of Indie bands who can say that they saw them play at a club for 100 people before they started headlining US tours. I consider myself the ultimate Indie hot chick fan. The only difference between me and those Indie fans is that when someone blows up huge, I don’t just abandon them and become jealous. I continue to support them, because the more famous they are, they more exposure they get, and the more exposure they get, the more pictures and interviews come out.

I’m happy that Jennifer Lawrence is now all over television doing interviews, because now her personality gets out there, which is a make or break for people with celebrity crushes like myself. And I must say, between her appearances on Chelsea Handler and Jimmy Fallon, Jennifer has crushed her interviews, which has made me fallen even more in love with her.

Of course this love that amount to nothing would have never been possible had it not been for The Hunger Games. Now usually I don’t get caught up in the “movies based on books” fad where people are standing outside at midnight and dressing up like the characters. I’ve never seen a single second of the Twilight movies and I plan on keeping it that way. I’ve seen bits and pieces of the Lords of Rings trilogy, but have no clue which one I was watching and don’t care to find out. And I’ve only seen one of the Harry Potter movies, and that’s only because an ex-girlfriend dragged me to it. It’s no wonder why she’s now an ex-girlgriend.

The Hunger Games is different though. I didn’t get caught up in those others movies because they were a little too unrealistic for me. Twilight has vampires and werewolves and terrible acting, Lord of the Rings has wizards, talking trees, a magical ring, and too much walking. Harry Potter has more wizards, magic wands, and too much flying. I’m not saying that I hate all fantasy movies (because lets be honest, isn’t every movie a fantasy?) but I prefer my fantasy to have some realism. The Hunger Games, despite being set in the future, has that realism. People aren’t flying or using super powers or turning into emo vampires. The fighting scenes are mostly hand to hand combat and the weapons are knives and bows.

Fear not ladies, there is some story and eye candy for you as well. Miley Cyrus’s boyfriend is in the movie, and while he can’t act a lick, if he’s good enough for the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus, then he’s good enough for you. Although I like to pretend that my female readership is hotter than Miley Cyrus, but that would imply I have a female readership that exists. There’s also a love triangle, so if you like picking sides, you can wear a stupid “Team Peeta” or “Team Gale” shirt and if I see you in public, I’ll probably hit on you because chances are you’re a hot chick. And you like The Hunger Games, which means you’re near perfect.

There’s no doubt that The Hunger Games is going to be a huge success. It’s already breaking records even though it’s not a sequel. That’s because it’s the perfect teen movie for guys and girls. All the girls want to see it because of the emotional investment and the guys are actually happy to see it because there’s non-magical violence and the main character doesn’t look like she just had her daily cocaine fix.

With the success of The Hunger Games will come the world domination of Jennifer Lawrence. And the more popular she comes, the more people I’ll have to kill to win her love. In fact, I say we hold The Lawrence Games. Put all 4 billion men and lesbians in the jungle and whoever wins gets the hand of Ms. Lawrence in marriage.

Half the world will be watching….the other half will be trying to kill each other.